the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
