he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
