I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
