I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize