so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
