My liver just broke up with me...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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