somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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