I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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