Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
