i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
