I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
