I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so let's talk penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
