yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
