I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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