RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
