wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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