we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
