hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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