I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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