there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
