i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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