You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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