I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
