my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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