Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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