You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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