ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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