Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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