he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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