i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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