I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
