I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
