Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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