he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize