I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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