So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
