i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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