sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
