Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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