I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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