One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
