I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
