i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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