Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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