So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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