i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
