college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
