So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
