On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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