If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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