I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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