you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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