well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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