I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
