on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
