drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
