Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
