i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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