Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize