there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
