Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
