GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
