Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
