You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
