I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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