Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
