I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
