1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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