Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
