come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
