He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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