Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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