He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
