Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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