walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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