"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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