watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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