I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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