I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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