So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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